 |
 |
Volume XII - Role Models
"I’m worried about your role models,"
my wife says, and I’m taken aback.
"Who are my role models?" Here I thought
I was fairly original, maybe even
my own man.
She’s nervous. "You know,
Bukowski, The Judge, John Thomas."
"You think they’re my role models? Whew, that’s
not good, that’s not good at all. Those three guys are
obsessed with being dead, almost impatient."
My wife cringes, another moment when it sucks to be
married to me.
"I like them because they’re smart, they know things I
don’t even think about on my most inspired day, not after
three orgasms yesterday and my excellent test score at
the temp agency this morning."
I smile and she blushes.
"Those guys challenge themselves,
that’s what I like about them, not their
lifestyles, or their obsession with death.
To be honest, I can’t see how a person
could be so fascinated with it for so long
and not do anything about it."
I fetch a glass of water from the kitchen sink,
she follows.
"I remember my freshman year of high school
when I determined we are all just destined to die
so why wait. I ruined the whole year,
probably several afterwards, too,
moping around with a knife to my wrist
always wondering, 'Will this be the day?'"
"You told me about that, 'then one day you
forgot the knife.', but this is why I worry:
what if you pick it up again?"
"Huh. I see your point. And right now
I could do it, too. I believe in my decisions."
Her brow furrows. It was
the wrong thing to say, but I go on.
"Now that I write, I can't wait to see
what happens next in the story of my life.
I'm confident I won't kill myself if I'm writing,
at least not until I'm really old, and by then
you might not even care."
She chuckles. I touch her cheek.
"And this love of life I have is at least partially
due to you." I kiss her forehead. "Besides,
my role models are guys like my dad
and my grandfathers. Guys that are smart, but
un-impressed. Guys that move calmly through
their own self-built existence with strong,
intelligent and, in your case, steamy-hot
women by their side."
* - Only one of the "role models" was dead when this was
originally written; now all three are gone.
Click here to read next Volume.